I must apologize to all of you because this is an extremely long blog, but I didn't want to leave anything out. Some of you may know that I have been at a life coaching seminar for the past five days. Before I say anything else, I will tell you that I did this at the request of my boss. It was explained to us by this coach that the training was of a leadership nature. Leadership? Ok, that can't be too bad. I was a bit apprehensive when it was first mentioned, but thought I would try to make it a positive experience.
It occurred at a location on the northside of Indy. Meeting times were as follows: Wednesday 6pm to midnight; Thursday 6pm to 11:45pm; Friday 6pm to 12:40am; Saturday 10am to 8:25pm; and Sunday 10am to 5pm. That alone makes it enticing, right? I can barely stay up later than ten, so it's going to be a challenge at that. In addition, we had to sign a waiver prior to starting the class. Basically, if you are pregnant or have physical limitations, then you shouldn't take this class.
On our first night, I'm driving up and thinking that if there are only 15 to 20 people, I'll be ok. Oh no, there were more than 70 people at this training. Are you kidding me? I was a nervous wreck. I'm not a fan of big groups, and I hate talking in front of people, especially people I've never met. We sign our waiver and get to gettin'. We start with the ground rules: 1)Be on time; honor your word. 2)It is encouraged to talk about your experience (to gain more "followers"), but you cannot talk about other's experiences. Makes sense, since it's all confidential. 3) And a whole bunch of other stuff I don't remember. It all doesn't seem to bad, we start with a lecture and do some trust exercises. The main goal of the evening is to learn about core values and trust and how you can bring it to every relationship. Ok, I'm not sure I agree, but I'll play along. We also create small groups (with a coaching leader), which can't contain anyone you know. I really feel comfortable in my group and able to talk to people. I would love to tell you about the rest of my group, but I can't (confidentiality). They are awesome in their own ways! After group, we get our homework and set up a time to call our leader the next morning.
Second night we talk about being the cause vs the effect and being a victim. We discussed the difference between having to do something vs wanting to do something. It's all about perception and the opportunity that's created by looking differently at a situation. Oh yeah, all situations/events are neutral. We bring our own feelings and focus our thoughts on the situation, meaning we can determine if the experience it to be positive or negative. We talked about playing the victim, and it's really forced me to look at how I tell stories and why I tell them. Do I tell them to get a response (payoff) or do I tell them with the straight facts and don't try to get someone to feel sorry me? Some food for thought. Again, this is more stuff I can apply to work and my personal life. I gather more homework and have another call.
Now it's Friday. Oh what was Friday again? I remember doing an exercise where we had to get from point A to point B in a different manner than anyone before us. Don't remember what that was supposed to teach us, but it was fun. Loved looking for different ways to get from A to B! Oh, I think we may have also talked about intentions this day. Don't get me started on intentions. Apparently your results are what you intended. I don't agree, but there were a lot of people that jumped right on it. Later in the evening, we split into 2 teams and played this game called "Through the Looking Glass." It was frustrating. I found myself giving up pretty easily when my thoughts weren't being heard. Oh, but what does that tell me about myself. I don't care!! Since no one figured this game out the first time, we played it a second time. This took us to later than midnight (approximate end time). And after a discussion on what it meant if you were playing to win or playing not to lose, we were forced to listen to two random songs. Our homework was to sit in silence back home and reflect on something or rather. Are you kidding me? I need to sleep! So, I slept.
Saturday, Saturday, Saturday. Talk about the day of visualizations. Now that I think about it, there was one on Friday about walking in a field and tearing off armor. Yeah, I thought of the movie Gladiator, my parent's cabin, and this game I played on the computer once. I didn't think about tearing off armor. But Saturday was worse! We had to find a partner (I cheated and worked with someone I knew). We had to yell, "What matters?" at the other person while they yelled back what mattered to them. This went on for way more than it should have. It felt like it lasted 45 minutes. We reversed roles. While all this was going on, the coaches were walking around yelling, "What matters?" so LOUD…talk about obnoxious. This was supposed to get down to the core of what mattered to us. Yeah, good luck with that. Yelling just makes me shut down. We switched partners (again I cheated and worked with someone I knew). In this exercise, we had to pretend to talk to our parents, then pretend to be our parents and talk to ourselves, then be ourselves and ask for forgiveness. Oh, that's a lot of role play that I was not signed up for. Now, I love my parents and have forgiven them for things that might have happened in the past (long ago or recent). I don't feel they didn't love me or anything for which I would need to make them aware. This was awful.
Additionally, we had a visualization that we were looking at film (past memories) and discarding those. Then, we were on a sailboat that somebody else was supposed to be driving. This somebody was supposed to be the one that had power over you. And who was that person for me? It was me! I'm assuming that to mean that no one has control over me and that I am in control of my life. We also sat one on one with someone and picked a story to retell to that person and ask for forgiveness to the person that we were angry/upset with. I didn't cheat in this one because we could meet with someone that knew us. I did, however, cheat by using a situation for which I had already forgiven myself. I couldn't think of another one. We had lunch with our small groups. That lasted for about two hours. This was a great lunch because I hadn't eaten a real meal in about four days. (I only ate breakfast and one other meal for each day we were in this training.) After lunch, we had to tell people what we thought was unattractive about them, and not by their looks but by what we've experienced with them. When you only talk to people you know, it's difficult to tell someone you don't know something unattractive (or attractive) about their soul. We also got to tell people what was attractive about them (agin via experiences and not looks). Then it was on to the hugging. Lots and lots of hugging…big people, small people. I didn't mind it (even though I was slightly caressed by an extremely large man). I did mind that my neck was about to break or my calf muscles cramp up for too much time on my tippy toes. There are lots of tall people in this world…and by tall I mean 5'8 or taller. :)
Sunday was our marketing day. It started with a bunch of people sharing and then with the push to get everyone to sign up for the second level and to have their friends sign up for the first level. Most everyone was eating this up. I felt like I didn't belong in this group. I wasn't ready to drink the kool-aid like so many others. I felt betrayed, duped, exhausted, and ready to be done. Oh but wait, there's one more exercise. We had to get in a group (this time it actually had to be with people you didn't know) and tell them about your vision (which is the ultimate goal). We also had to assign three of the members a limitation to this vision and choose one as a coach. I must say that I got to be a coach twice (I'm that awesome or that good at giving advice). The limitations were yelling at you and you had to yell back at them how you were going to overcome that limitation. That exercise was somewhat fun. At the very end was the celebration, where you friends and family could come and congratulate you (if it was a big deal to you).
I don't want to make it sound like this is not a good thing or a something that someone could get something out of, because there were people getting things from it. However, it's not something I felt I was ready for. Much like a person with an addiction has to want to be helped to actually be helped, you have to want to BE there and experience it whole-heartedly to get a life-altering change out of it. If you'd like to join an expensive cult (thanks Tim) or a pyramid scheme (thanks Regs), then this is for you! If not, keep on truckin'!
Happy BEing who you are and loving it!
--Am
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